Well, initially, when I thought about making this blog I was at home in Orlando just kind of waiting to hear from God what I was supposed to do next. In my waiting I figured I might as well do some writing about learning to walk day by day with Jesus through uncertain times. Partly in the hope that my days in exile in my suburban paradise would be of some encouragement to anyone who was brave enough to delve into the craziness of this adventure Jesus and I are on together. Besides, I didn’t have anything else to do. Earlier this summer I did yoga. That was all I did. Yoga. While I like yoga, when I die I want people to be able to say more about me than “man, she owned at warrior three.” So I’m going to write, and maybe someone will find something useful in it. Or, maybe it will help me from going insane with all these thoughts running around in my head. Either way it works for me.
But… now I’m in Missouri. Last week I was in Orlando indefinitely and this week I’m in Missouri. How did that happen?
Honestly, this story has about a million possible starting points, but since I don’t have time to take you all the way back to the third grade and start from there, we will start in December.
In December I had many grand possible plans for how this season of my life would look: working for my sorority, interning at the Met, or moving to Africa. By February, I was pretty set on Africa. I was really praying that God would lead me where He wanted me. The verses that God gave me to pray during this time were Habakkuk 2:1-3:
“I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look and see what He will say to me, and what answer I am to give this complaint. Then the LORD replied: ‘Write down the revelation and put it on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.'”
In early March I found out that I would not be going to Africa as soon as I thought I might. Not only did this leave me (an extreme planner) without a plan for what to do after graduation, but my dream 14-year-old dream of going on the mission field came crashing down. The first twenty-four hours were terrible. But then something exciting happened. I realized on a much deeper level how much God loves me no matter what I do. The next few weeks were so great. I started applying to “normal people jobs” and was thrilled about the prospect of getting the experience of working for a while and then maybe going to Africa in a couple years. I felt so free and excited about the endless possibilities of life and all that God had in store for me. But, then I didn’t get life figured out quite as soon as I thought I would. Being the planner that I am, I had a difficult time not having any idea what I wanted to do with my life.
So for the past four months I have gone from being thrilled about all the possibilities, to overwhelmed by not knowing what to choose, to mad that God wasn’t revealing a clear path. This is the roller coaster of emotions that I haven’t been able to get off recently. I felt fairly useless and directionless.
BUT “the revelation waits the appointed time.” For me that appointed time involved me trusting God through the months of silence. It meant me trusting him when it felt like my life wasn’t going anywhere.
Last week I started researching how to volunteer on organic farms around the world in exchange for room and board. Because why not travel around the world when you have nothing better to do and plane tickets for greatly reduced prices because your dad is a pilot? (The answer to that is that there is no real reason not to travel the world.)
Then I thought about a missions training that I heard about a while back when I was in another missions class in Gainesville. I knew that it started in July, but I didn’t know if it had already started or not. Wednesday night I looked it up. I saw that one training started on Sunday and another one started in three weeks in Southeast Asia. If the one in Asia was taught in English I thought that would be perfect. I could travel and get the church planting training I wanted. I decided to text one of my mentors about it the next day to see if she knew. She replied that it was and encouraged me to contact the organization (All Nations) about it. When I emailed All Nations they said that they had room not only for the Southeast Asia training but also for the training in Kansas City starting in a few days. They encouraged me to do both, and within 12 hours it was decided that I would.
I am learning how to trust God on this spur-of-the-moment journey across the United States and the world. I have traded my careful planning for His perfect shepherding. I have already been seeing God work in my heart in the past couple days and I know that this is going to be a difficult, but necessary, time of growth for me. If you pray, I’d be honored for you to pray for me.